A deeper look

The last couple of days I've been thinking about the pharisees. On Sunday the pastor at the church I've been going to talked about Mark 3 where there's a story about Jesus going to the temple on the sabbath. At the same time there's a guy there with a shriveled hand and everyone is watching to see if Jesus is going to heal him. Jesus gets angry with them for having hardened hearts and heals the guy anyway. The pastor said that they had hardened hearts because they were arrogant which is something I've always been taught, but this time I wondered if there was more to it.

The last few months I have spent A LOT of time in the Old Testament, a place I don't usually choose to spend a lot of time in. But I've gained a better understanding of man's nature to wander and also of God's jealous nature for his children. Where I'm at right now is after Manasseh (sp?) had just doomed the Isrealites to some serious punishment by breaking the final disloyal, disobedient, idol worshipping straw. And now God is going to allow his children to be disciplined out of love so that everyone will know that He is the Lord, the One in control, worthy to be trusted and worshipped. So everything has been set in place and soon the exhile will begin.

So I guess what I've been wondering about the Pharisees is if they learned their lesson a little too well. Were their hearts hardened because they were afraid to let any little thing slide? As in, "sure - it starts out innocent, like healing on the Sabbath, but where does it end? With Ashtoreh poles in the temple beside the alter? We've already been exhiled a couple times now, we'll just play it safe, if you don't mind." The problem with the Pharisees is that they lacked the relationship with God that would have allowed them to understand the meaning behind all of the rules and regulations they were so bent on enforcing. But is that even their fault that they were terrified of the slippery slope? How could they have known about the relational side of God until the curtain was torn in the temple that symbolized the end of separation between man and the Father? Their religion was dead and they didn't even know it. But is that something to scorn? Was it their fault that they had missed a big piece of the picture? Weren't they just doing what they'd been taught? I'm not saying that they weren't arrogant, because it is certainly clear in other places that they were, I'm just wondering if there's more to the story.

I think that the saddest part of the Mark 3 story is that even when Jesus Emmanuel, God WITH us, the very One who brings an end to the separation, tries to show them that there's more to it than they know, they reject it and begin to plot his death. For us, I think that it's so easy to get caught up in traditions and potlucks and miss the true heart of God. Let's face it, we're just one or two prideful steps away from being just like them. My prayer though is that when Jesus asks me to take a deeper look, that I won't be afraid.

Ah, the irony (Quick! Call Alanis!)

Why does it never fail that when you start to have a "pat on the back moment" because you happened to say something extraordinarily profound in the exact moment it was called for, you almost instantly have to eat your own words? Really God?!?! REALLY?!?! Is this fun for you? I'm not saying that I don't see the irony, I mean sometimes, who can miss it? I'm just sayin' I don't appreciate it.

Today I had a talk with a student about having control of his actions. That people who don't control their actions and behaviors wind up doing a lot of things they never wanted to do in the first place. We also talked about how there are a lot of idiots out there. Believe it or not, there are more than just the 3 or 30 in the classroom. And there's not a thing you can do about any one's actions but your own. So, because there are always going to be people who do things that you don't agree with, it's important to have control of your own actions so that you can live with yourself at the end of the day....blah, blah, blah. Believe me it sounded profound at the time...now, maybe not so much.

Actually, to be honest, it DID feel like one of those out-of-body-Holy-Spirit-talking-through-you moments. Now I'm starting to think that it might have been more for my benefit than my student's. I'm pretty sure he's not sitting at home ruminating over my words of wisdom...

The last few days I've been MAD!!!! The last time I blogged I was mad about some personal things, but yesterday and today I've been upset for other people. I don't spend much time being angry, so I kind of don't know what to do with myself to have been on a three day binge. I think what frustrates me the most is the feeling of powerlessness. I want to DO something! I want everyone to know how wronged these people have been. I want their offenders that I previously respected to be publically rebuked. Mostly, I want people to do what is right and to have integrity and to stop trying to cover up their own mistakes at the expense of others. Is it really so much to ask?

I read today that the basic formula for a story is conflict, crisis, resolution. And that conflict without resolution is whining. I pretty much agree with that, but I'm struggling to find a resolution. If it's true that I only have control over my own actions, that doesn't necessarily mean that a resolution will be met. The question is, what do you do when you feel like you can't do anything?

Reckless Raging Fury

A few minutes ago I was really upset about some things. Most of the time when something upsets me I get emotional and sad. This time it was all of the usual things but I was also getting mad. I don't get mad at God very often, but I was definitely working up a full head of steam and a quality pity party. I've been a Christian all my life and I know all of the theologically correct answers to questions like, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" "If God knew this was going to happen, why did he allow it?" and "How come life's just not fair?" But I have to say that knowing all of the answers doesn't make hardship any easier. It's sooooo easy to spout off the Sunday School response, but I'm pretty sure that when people ask those questions (well, me at least...) they're not actually ever going to be satisfied with the answers. It's like a doctor telling a patient in labor "Yup! You're pregnant allright!" and then leaving. Thank you Captian Obvious. It's not that it's a false statement, no one is doubting the truth of what has been said, but it's not what was necessary at the time and the needs of the individual were left unmet.

A few minutes ago my Great Physician understood this concept about me and answered me in a different way. He barely brought to mind an old Rich Mullins song. By barely I mean that the same line kept running through my head and I couldn't remember the rest so I became even MORE frusterated than I already was. In my irritation, I decided this new thing was something I could actually DO something about so I went online to look up the lyrics. When I found the website, there were several song lyrics on the same page. As I scrolled down I was reminded of other songs until I found this one:

There's a wideness in God's mercy I cannot find in my own
And He keeps His fire burning
To melt this heart of stone
Keeps me aching with a yearning
Keeps me glad to have been caught
In the reckless raging fury
That they call the love of God

Joy and sorrow are this ocean
And in their every ebb and flow
Now the Lord a door has opened
That all Hell could never close
Here I'm tested and made worthy
Tossed about but lifted up
In the reckless raging fury
That they call the love of God

There was a link to a scripture next to the song so I clicked on it and it was the secret prescription that my Great Physician wanted me to find.

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
Romans 8:18-27

Thank you Jesus for reminding me that you understand my needs more than I ever will. Thank you for meeting me where I am, even if it's right smack dab in the middle of a childish hissy fit. Thank you for your reckless raging fury love that hurts sometimes but makes me worthy and lifts me up.

Ephesians 1

Read this tonight at Bible Study and I felt like God took my breath away with a reminder of his goodness and endless love.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight.

In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.

What this says to me is that from the beginning of time the unfathomably huge, awesome, creator, Father, God CHOSE me(!) to be with him. Not only that, but that he didn't do it out of a sense of obligation or even just as an expression of his goodness. Instead, it says that it was in acordance with his pleasure and will. He did it because it made him happy to do it. Making me holy and blameless is not just a pet project he's picked up because he doesn't have anything better to do on a Saturday. It actually makes him happy. As corny as it is, He doesn't "just" love me, he likes me too! And because of this, not only am I redeemed and forgiven, but I'm an adopted daughter! Oh! Thank you Jesus!

Best April Fool's Day!

So for April Fools I took some multicolored mold that I may or may not have have found in my fridge, put it in a petri dish, and told my students that it was "Neutropenic mycellium" - A very rare fungus that releases highly toxic spores that can cause serious neurological effects up to and including death in a matter of minutes. While they were taking their test I "accidentally" knocked it off the table, stared at it for about a second, then ran out of the room. After about half a minute they all come running out of the room with their shirts over their mouths and nose, and freaking out. It was AWESOME!

The moral of the story: sometimes the key to surviving teaching is about messing with the little hooligans :)