A Paralyzing Question Part II

So, I've been thinking a lot about what exactly is SO paralyzing about that obedience question. The typical, Sunday School thought is that if you are always obedient to God's commands that you never have to worry about the consequences of disobedience. But, I have to say that there have not been a lot of times in my life when I have felt a direct command to do (or not do) something. I feel like I live most of my "Christian walk" under the general revelation detailed in the Bible (ie. don't gossip, don't lie, love God, love others etc). And don't get me wrong, there's plenty to worry myself about there. But as far as specific-to-me revelation about career paths, what I should do with my life, where I should live, how I should date, etc God has always been strangely silent, despite all my asking for otherwise. So, my instinct is to do nothing out of fear of doing the wrong thing (which we already established can have some serious and long lasting effects!).

After coming out of Egypt, the Israelites headed for the Promised Land. Upon arrival, God told them to send in some spies to check out the land they were supposed to get. When they got back, all but 2 of them were freaked out by the people who lived there and had no faith that they could defeat the locals. Their fear was contagious to all the people and so they didn't go in and claim what had been promised them. As a result of their lack of faith and disobedience they had to wander around the desert for 40 years until all the scaredy cats died off. But even when they finally did go in, they weren't completely successful. Their lack of faithfulness in those first decisions in a lot of ways pretty much set the stage for the whole rest of the Old Testament and all of the disobedience, disloyalty, and idolotry that happen later on.

I seriously struggle with this story in several ways. First, I don't really understand why it is that God commanded Moses to send a scouting party. I don't understand the point. If the land has been promised, and the right thing to do is to have faith and go in their with guns blazing, why mess with scouts? After all, the report back shouldn't have mattered. If the report had come back that the Canaanites were all a bunch of wimps, they probably would have forgotten about being dependant on God and He would have let them get beat out of spite. So was it a test of faith? As in, if you don't have the kind of faith it's going to take to claim your birthright, you're not ready and you've got some wanderin' to do?
I also go back and forth between inpatient exasperation and pity for the Israelites. On one hand they had a very clear set of instructions for what to do. God HIMSELF was traveling with them in a cloud/fire situation (a very visual presence, by the way), he was speaking to them in a clear way that left little room for doubt, AND they had just been delivered from Egypt and seen some A-MAZING miracles. Yet that still wasn't enough. On the other hand, I can identify with them so well. Who hasn't doubted God's faithfulness or trusted his goodness from time to time? Even when remembering the things he's done in the past? Who hasn't wavered in their faith and listened to the people around them?

I guess my fear is that I will be standing on the edge of my promised land (whatever it is) and that God will instruct me to take it, but between my feeling of overwhelm-ment and fear, coupled with my natural inclination for wandering, I will miss the rather obvious talking cloud in front of me.

A paralyzing question

So I've been thinking about obedience off and on this week. Sunday I was back at my parents' church and the pastor spoke about God giving 2nd chances. He was talking specifically about Saul. At some point Saul screwed up so badly that God said that none of his descendants would rule the throne after him. BUT he didn't say that Saul couldn't finish his reign. In other words, there were consequences for his actions (he wouldn't have a kingly line) but he could still be used. It reminded me of Moses - how his disobedience kept him out of the Promised Land but he was still able to lead the people and be God's spokesman. Anyway, God gives Saul a 2nd chance and says, "Hey, go kill the Amalekites. Don't leave any trace of them, kill everyone, even all the cows, sheep, etc." So Saul goes and they win, but they save the king Agag and they save all the best sheep and cows. Saul tries to tell Samuel that he saved the livestock for sacrifice but you kind of get the impression that he's full of it...as in Samuel's response might have been..."Riiiiight....suuuure it's for sacrifices..." The most interesting thing to me about this sermon is that he said that Hamon, the bad guy in the book of Esther who tried to wipe out all of the Jews was an Agagite! He was a descendant from the king Agag, the king that Saul had disobediently spared!!!

That evening I went to a small group and they talked about Josiah and how he "cleaned house" and got rid of the idols and the priests and brought back the word of God. As we read the passage, it struck me that Josiah started rocking the boat around the age of 20. It's always hard to go against contemporary wisdom, but even fewer people will listen to you when you're just a punk whippersnapper that thinks you know better than your parents' generation! Then 6 years later the Book of the Law was found. SIX YEARS!!! I don't know if I could hold to my convictions and be obedient without having any kind of validation for 6 years. I would start to wonder if those convictions I'd had were real, or it was all just in my head. I would have some serious doubts and I think I would struggle with having low approval ratings. Unfortunately 2 Chronicles doesn't mention anything about an internal struggle, so we don't know how difficult obedience was for Josiah, but I like to think that people in the Bible had the same struggles that I do. Though God didn't change his mind about the punishment the Israelites had already earned for themselves (an all expense paid trip to Babylon!) Josiah died before they were taken and was spared. Again, tt doesn't say this, but I can't help but think that one of the main results from his obedience was the rejuvenation of the Remnant. Because of what he had done, the people of Judah were prepared to go to exile because the Word of God had been renewed in their hearts. Had Josiah not been obedient, I don't know that that generation of Israelites (including Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego) would have had a good understanding of the one true God and history could have been much different.

So as far reaching as Saul's disobedience was, so was Josiah's obedience in the other direction. The funny thing is that neither of them had any idea of the ramifications of their actions. So, the question is, what ripples will my actions today have?

Be My One Thing

So...I'm new to this blogging thing. Perhaps I will be more consistant with this than I have been in the past with journaling. I have to say that I've always liked the idea of journaling more than the act of it. Most of the time when I write in a journal I think about someone reading it someday. In reality, as far as I know, I'm the only person that's ever read them. I have to say that they have been less than inspiring. I'm always kind of embarrassed at the words on the page that bear my hand writing, and yet here I am using more words. Except now, it's not in the privacy of a journal that collects dust on my night stand, but the public and possibly perilously vast internet. But, ready or not, here we go...

It's not really an uncommon thing. You hear a song on the radio and it instantly throws you back in time; the photo album in your head comes alive and you're immersed in a memory. Growing up my dad played a lot of different music so this is something I'm fairly familiar with. There's one song in particular though that often rings through my head on it's own. It's an old Rich Mullins song called "My One Thing." The lyrics are below but the basic gyst of the song is a desire to put God first in everything and above all else, to come to the true, soul deep realization that I don't need anything more than what God provides.

I'm not sure if it's a side effect of living in a fallen world, if it's a discontent spirit, or if it's just bad habits but I seem to struggle on a continual basis to remember that the God of my childhood Sunday School lessons is truly taking care of me. Of course I know it to be true in my head and there seems to be limitless divine reminders, but I'm always returning to a state of worry. Worry about the future, finances, about family, career, about lonlieness and anything else that I can't control. The truth is, though, that most of the things I worry about are not necessarily eternal. I get caught up in my life and I lose sight of God's love and purpose for my life. I can't help but believe that if I ever truly understood the depth and height and width of His love that faith would come easier. So my prayer continues to be, "Be my one thing."

My One Thing
Everybody I know says they need just one thing
And what they really mean is that they need just one thing more
And everybody seems to think they've got it coming
Well I know that I don't deserve You
Still I want to love and serve You more and more
You're my one thing

Save me from those things that might distract me
Please take them away and purify my heart
I don't want to lose the eternal for the things that are passing
'Cause what will I have when the world is gone
If it isn't for the love that goes on and on

You're my one thing You're my one thing
And the pure in heart shall see God

Who have I in Heaven but You Jesus?
And what better could I hope to find down here on earth?
I could cross the most distant reaches Of this world,
But I'd just be wasting my time
'Cause I'm certain already, I'm sure I'd find You're my one thing