So, I've been thinking a lot about what exactly is SO paralyzing about that obedience question. The typical, Sunday School thought is that if you are always obedient to God's commands that you never have to worry about the consequences of disobedience. But, I have to say that there have not been a lot of times in my life when I have felt a direct command to do (or not do) something. I feel like I live most of my "Christian walk" under the general revelation detailed in the Bible (ie. don't gossip, don't lie, love God, love others etc). And don't get me wrong, there's plenty to worry myself about there. But as far as specific-to-me revelation about career paths, what I should do with my life, where I should live, how I should date, etc God has always been strangely silent, despite all my asking for otherwise. So, my instinct is to do nothing out of fear of doing the wrong thing (which we already established can have some serious and long lasting effects!).
After coming out of Egypt, the Israelites headed for the Promised Land. Upon arrival, God told them to send in some spies to check out the land they were supposed to get. When they got back, all but 2 of them were freaked out by the people who lived there and had no faith that they could defeat the locals. Their fear was contagious to all the people and so they didn't go in and claim what had been promised them. As a result of their lack of faith and disobedience they had to wander around the desert for 40 years until all the scaredy cats died off. But even when they finally did go in, they weren't completely successful. Their lack of faithfulness in those first decisions in a lot of ways pretty much set the stage for the whole rest of the Old Testament and all of the disobedience, disloyalty, and idolotry that happen later on.
I seriously struggle with this story in several ways. First, I don't really understand why it is that God commanded Moses to send a scouting party. I don't understand the point. If the land has been promised, and the right thing to do is to have faith and go in their with guns blazing, why mess with scouts? After all, the report back shouldn't have mattered. If the report had come back that the Canaanites were all a bunch of wimps, they probably would have forgotten about being dependant on God and He would have let them get beat out of spite. So was it a test of faith? As in, if you don't have the kind of faith it's going to take to claim your birthright, you're not ready and you've got some wanderin' to do?
I also go back and forth between inpatient exasperation and pity for the Israelites. On one hand they had a very clear set of instructions for what to do. God HIMSELF was traveling with them in a cloud/fire situation (a very visual presence, by the way), he was speaking to them in a clear way that left little room for doubt, AND they had just been delivered from Egypt and seen some A-MAZING miracles. Yet that still wasn't enough. On the other hand, I can identify with them so well. Who hasn't doubted God's faithfulness or trusted his goodness from time to time? Even when remembering the things he's done in the past? Who hasn't wavered in their faith and listened to the people around them?
I guess my fear is that I will be standing on the edge of my promised land (whatever it is) and that God will instruct me to take it, but between my feeling of overwhelm-ment and fear, coupled with my natural inclination for wandering, I will miss the rather obvious talking cloud in front of me.
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